Sunday, August 13, 2006


What I want, you've got
But it might be hard to handle
Like the flame that burns the candle
The candle feeds the flame yeah yeah
-- Daryl Hall & John Oates, "You Make My Dreams"

Not much sexual happening on the marriage recovery front. Most of the weekend was spent filling the wife's love tank with acts of service and quality time.

On Saturday, I got up early with the kids so my wife could sleep in. For the better part of the day, she was tied up with doing things for the preschool cooperative, so I watched the kids. Then I used the remains of the day to mow the lawn, which was embarrassingly overgrown.

On Sunday, we took the kids to the local zoo. Our three year-old daughter had some pretty defiant moments, but otherwise we did okay. We ate a mid-afternoon lunch at a diner downtown, a place teeming with the remnants of a big role-playing game convention... Lots of pale skinned guys with bad haircuts and black clothing.

After we got home, I went over to the wife's best friend's house to watch their 11 month-old daughter while the husband did some remodeling work. That allowed my wife to take a nap along with our kids. After I got back from babysitting, I made the family go out for a neighborhood walk, despite the protestations from my wife.

There were a couple of points along the weekend where I got a chance to take a pulse on how things were going.

On Saturday night, after kids were put to bed, I offered my wife a hug, saying that there were no other expectations attached to the act. She said she was glad because she said she didn't think she was up to a third night in a row.

On Sunday evening, between the babysitting and the walk, I asked my wife how she was feeling. She responded by saying that she had been frustrated with our three year-old's behavior. I empathized and said that she was probably testing the limits.

I asked her how she felt about the big picture. She said that she was feeling better, that she was glad that I was talking to her again. She also said that she enjoyed the fact that I wanted to go to the zoo today to do something as a family.

I brought up that I had noticed she had been searching for the book The Sex Starved Marraige on her web browser last week. I asked her whether her new therapist had recommended the title. She said that she had noticed a copy of the book at our marriage counselor's office. She said that she might get a copy from the local library, but I think that the book might serve better as a handy reference. I might be redeeming an Amazon gift card on that one.

I closed by asking her where she felt her "fuel level" was. She hates the "love tank" metaphor, so I have to phrase it differently. She said it was pretty good. I told her that I needed her to tell me if she felt like I wasn't doing enough to keep the level up.

Because she was complaining of back pain this evening, I dared not ask her for sex tonight.

I'll give her a break for a couple more days, because they will be draining for her. Tomorrow afternoon and evening, she has to take the kids down to our home town for a funeral home visitation. Her best friend's grandmother passed away late last week.

Then on Tuesday, she has a therapy doubleheader, with her private counseling in the morning and our marriage counseling in the early evening. Somewhere in between, she will be helping with preschool cooperative preparation.

Wednesday should be a light day for her, so I will make a move then. Unless something big happens, blogging will most likely be light, aside from counseling notes.
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