Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Questions that Lead to More Questions

A commenter left the following remarks:

Wow--she must feel lousy--not just physically but in her spirit, too. She is literally hiding from anything sexual.
Either that, or she is bored out of her mind.
Do you desire her, truly?
Or are you dreaming of any feasible way to explain to inner self that sleeping with someone else at this point is okay?

Look. I'm not judging. I think all married people are in the same boat eventually.

I had a couple of questions for the commenter, if he or she should be so kind to clarify:

  1. Could you clarify the linkage you draw between sexual avoidance and boredom? Is it that sex (or perhaps the thought of sex with me) is so boring to her that she doesn't want to address it? Or are you referring to boredom in some broader sense?

  2. Regarding the pair of questions "desire her" versus "dreaming of reasons", is there something specifically that I've written that suggests I'm having that struggle, or is that your speculation on where I might be, given the events that I have described?

Now for my answer to your questions:

My desire for her is waning... quickly.

I have held out some sort of hope that there might be something I could do to change the dynamics. Although she said she is working on this stuff, it seems to be with much resitance and inconsistent levels of diligence. My conscience, along with other commenters, tells me that I should give her time. But I am also drained I feel like I am currently bound to someone who will never desire me sexually, sometimes cynically thinking that I am just viewed as a means to her ends. A question lingers, nagging me whether I want to spend the rest of my life with that.
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