What's it Like at Home These Days?

I haven't written much on the state of my marriage since the big information dump about a week ago.

Resigned, yet peaceful, coexistence seems to be the best way to describe the atmosphere. We're still sleeping separately, but that is on my own volition. She continues to say that I am welcome to sleep in bed with her if I want to.

We eat meals together most of the time, and we even had her best friend's family over for a cookout on Saturday night. I'm still involved with the kids both in the mundane things and the fun things.

My wife is aware of my renewed job search efforts. I've been trying to keep her abreast of developments. She hasn't made too much of a fuss about non-local leads. One night after I completed a phone interview at home, she said she didn't feel like it was right for her to register disapproval.

At our joint session on Wednesday last week, we came to an agreement that separation is where this is all headed in the short run, but we don't know when the move-out will take place. A big chunk of the session was spent by my therapist trying to get my wife to communicate what she is feeling and what she wants.

In regards to the fears my wife faces in separating, she said that she was afraid of being alone. She was worried that the girls weren't going to have their dad. She worried that she wouldn't be able to make it financially, but acknowledged that I would most likely keep supporting her and the kids.

She said she felt like a failure because she didn't expect that we would one day separate or even divorce. She said she was sad that she couldn't be more "sexually there." She feels like she will be alone even if we stay married because there is so much emotional distance between us.

We will continue to meet up for join sessions, but not as frequently as we have been. The goal is to help stem the avoidance in discussing how this will play out.