Monday, January 08, 2007

One Way or the Other

The prior post and the comments that have been added to it reminded me of the "Being the Hero of Your Own Life" essay to which I link on the sidebar. I think that two paragraphs from the essay are worth noting (emphasis mine).
When you first start thinking in this new groove, of your new self, emotionally independent of others' opinions or demands, it will be tempting to believe that you can chuck realities you don't want to face and dismiss responsibilities that you think are interfering with your ability to Be All You Can Be. But the inconvenient thing about being a hero is that they always fulfill their commitments in life, one way or the other. Dealing with their their personal demons and their tough situations -- in a forthright, proactive way (not just suffering through them) -- is what MAKES them heroes.

Heroism starts within you. It's not a product of your situation, your opportunities, or the people you have to deal with. It's inner strength and quiet assurance without any taint of "Look how much I saaaacrifice! Look how much I suuuuffer!" Wanting people to notice how good you are, demanding to be admired or rewarded because you're Such A Nice Guy (or having tantrums to make sure they know you're baaaad) are some of the ways you enslave yourself to them.

I don't think that the Drunken Housewife is arguing against divorce in an absolute sense (correct me if I'm wrong). She's concerned about whether my post divorce choices might entail reneging on the commitment (first paragraph of quotation) I have to my kids. Clearly taking a job a long distance from here would not help.

I still file the long distance job scenario under "insanely desperate" for that reason. Taking a long distance temporary contract doesn't seem as insane in the event that my employer goes belly up, though, because the elevated pay (1 1/2 to 2 times what I make now) would help to pay down debts.

Elise and sassy also have valid points. If the home situation were to continue unchanged for years to follow, my daughters would grow up with the notion that a husband is more of a life accessory than a life partner. Staying in this relationship as is would be a continuing exercise in martyrdom (second paragraph of quotation).

It has taken me a long time to believe this: If am mature about this, I can leave the marriage and fulfill my commitments to my daughters. It will have to be via "the other" rather than "one way".
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