tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31278044.post8886476643766251614..comments2023-03-21T07:07:50.202-04:00Comments on 2amsomewhere: One Way or the OtherUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31278044.post-24423955731374645632007-01-08T16:48:00.000-05:002007-01-08T16:48:00.000-05:002am,
This comment is more of a general one in r...2am,<br /> This comment is more of a general one in response to your last few posts, not just this one. I know you've been doing a lot of analysis (I concur with Cat about feeling a bit ditzy reading your very involved process) but I wanted to share something with you that our therapist told us this summer. Being an ENFJ I am a "fixer" by nature. Talking during counseling I expressed first of all, my frustrations that I couldn't solve all of my husband's problems, and secondly, how much I hated all my own insecurities. She told me that his issues are his own and I can’t fix them. She also told me that everyone has issues and that they are not something to be embarrassed about because there isn’t a person alive without them. Knowing that I wasn’t responsible for fixing his issues was a huge weight off my shoulders. But also knowing that having insecurities and issues of my own didn’t reflect on my own individual value gave me some peace too. She said that part of living a happy contented life is being aware of whatever personal issues you have, and then recognizing how they affect your interactions with others. <br /><br /><i> In the process, I am getting a better sense of how I got here and where I want to go. If I didn't do the analysis, I would run the risk of jumping from an unhappy marriage to unhappy singlehood or perhaps another unsatisfying relationship.</i> <br /><br />What you said here is I think a summary of the advice she gave me, put into practice. You trying to figure out all the intricacies of yourself is probably the absolute best thing you could be doing right now and will serve you well, whatever road you take in the future.Therese in Heavenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13607519856275927706noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31278044.post-78406501354310970882007-01-08T15:17:00.000-05:002007-01-08T15:17:00.000-05:00I am trying to avoid a rush to decide, while at th...<i>I am trying to avoid a rush to decide, while at the same time trying not to wallow in indecision. It hurts.</i><br /><br />2am, please don't get the impression that I have been suggesting that you <i>need</i> to push things to the brink of divorce. However, like Schnarch, I do agree that sometimes our partner will not be motivated to change until they believe that the situation is grave. <br /><br />I think, though, that sometimes threatening divorce could make a partner feel that things are already too far "gone" to even make an attempt. <br /><br />And I also want to add that the children are why my wife and I stayed together once we reached that point, however we've also been able to learn to work constructively on our problems. I can't tell you how often I did the emotional math, unable to make the decision to simply end it.<br /><br />Tom<br /><A HREF="http://vanillaedge.wordpress.com" title="When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you...">The Edge of Vanilla</A>Tom Allenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04208222697436091267noreply@blogger.com