Friday, July 21, 2006

Food, Fashion, and a Footjob: A Date Night Postmortem

WARNING: Explicit Content Follows

My dad and stepmom left with the kids sometime around 7 p.m., leaving the house to my wife and me. We discussed what we were going to do on our night out. I caved in, agreeing to see The Devil Wears Prada. We decided to see it at the movie theater located in the upscale mall downtown, catching dinner first at a brewpub nearby.

Dinner was nice. There was a special on burgers and pints of beer, so we got burger entrees to save room for their decadent funnel cake desert, which is so large that we had to split an order.

We had about half an hour before the late show started, and as we got ready to leave, I leaned over to kiss my wife a few times, with the third kiss lasting a bit longer. She cut me short, telling me that if we kissed any longer, they'd tell us to go get a room. The dining area was pretty much empty, though.

So, we headed over to the mall and got our tickets. The movie was about what I expected. The fashion biz has always grated on my nerves, because I think it drives visions of beauty that are neither realistic nor beautiful. Consequently, I had a hard time developing any sympathy for the cast of characters. There were some funny moments, arising mainly from the snarky banter among the stressed out magazine employees. My wife was not impressed, either, saying that she could have waited for it to come out on DVD before seeing it.

The parking garage was virtually empty as we made our way back to the minivan. In retrospect, had I not been avoiding the initiation of sex, I would have liked to make a move on her in the garage to see what would happen. I long for a locale outside the bedroom, and it's been since before we married that I think we first had sex in a vehicle.

We got home around 12:30 a.m. After she started undressing, my wife complained about her breasts not being perky enough, which usually comes up when she undresses in my presence. I responded, as I usually do, that my attraction to her is not tied to the perkiness of her breasts.

I gave her a hug and a kiss without expectations of anything steamier. She then says to me, "Did you want to have sex?" I replied, "How about you?" She said, "Maybe."

I set off to finish up the night time chores, like covering the bird's cage, setting out some food for the dog, turning out the lights, and brushing my teeth.

As my wife is going into the bathroom, she complains about the feeling of the skin on her back. Apparently her physical therapist applied something to it, leaving a residue. I ask her if she would like to shower off, and she declines, telling me that I can wash her off if I want.

So I go and prepare a warm, wet washcloth with just a touch of soap on one end. I return to bed, and she's under a blanket, naked. I lift the lower end of the blanket and clean her up gently.

Afterwards, I put the blanket back in its place and I move up next to her so that we can talk. As I've noted in this space earlier, she is not one for foreplay, but I thought that the night out might make her more receptive.

I told her that I had a nice time. I enjoyed being able to get out and do something with her as husband and wife rather than just mommy and daddy. As I'm doing this, I'm lightly running my fingers across her cheek and looking at her.

She says that we've been out recently. I ask her, aside from the three-day vacation we took at the end of May, when was our last time out alone. She said that we went out the night of our anniversary, which was back in April, almost three months to the day. Not something I'd call recent.

Even then, that date night was an intimacy killer because our child care came in the form of her best friend's family (two adults, three kids) who were also staying there for the night. I told her that I thought we needed to do this more often, and that I had not been good about taking initiative about planning such things. I said that I would do better in the future.

I try talking about some other lighter topics, and after a few more minutes, she tells me that if she sits there much longer, she's going to fall asleep. I get the hint; she wants to dispense with the pillow talk. I ask her if she's ready to get down to the main action.

She tells me that I can use the vibrator on her, and then we can use one of the other toys she bought at an in-home party held by her best friend's daughter a few months ago.

So I break out her vibrator and proceed to use it to tease and stimulate. I don't bother to ask her for feeback because I know I will get "I don't know" for an answer. I just watch to see if the pelvis moves, because she's otherwise pretty quiet.

Somewhere between 5 and 10 minutes later, she almost hits a climax, and I pull back on the vibrator because I want to give her a chance to regroup and continue. She surprises me by asking to use the vibrator herself. I agree, and let her have the device.

I ask her if I can watch, and then get off the bed so I can get a better view. I pleasure myself a litte, too, as she goes about her work. I watch to see how she uses the device to stimulate herself, and I make an occastional statement about how she looks very sexy. She tells me that the talk isn't doing it for her, so I stop. After a few minutes, she's given herself a pretty hard climax.

She sees me touching myself as I stand at the end of the bed, and she moves her foot towards my crotch, using her toes to tease me. This makes me more aroused, and she positions her toes on either side of the shaft to apply pressure. I begin to thrust, slowly, finding myself very aroused. I'm enjoying this little excursion. She doesn't seem to be to burdened by it because all she has to do his keep her feet in the same place.

Soon preorgasmic fluid is starting to show, and she tells me that she wants me to do it. However, after a few more minutes, I realize that I'm not getting the stimulation needed to get there, so I tell her that I would like to have intercourse.

I get on the bed and apply some personal lubricant to her nether regions, and I use the position I started off with last time. After a couple of slow thrusts, I pick up the speed. The pace is very quick, and I'm being very forceful. She's starting to moan a little, and I don't last very long, reaching a pretty intense climax. At least I was able to finish before the muscle spasms kicked in. We cleaned up, kissed goodnight, and then went to bed.

The good news is that it's been a while since we had sex twice in one week. The bad news is that it's still very much mechanical -- get her an orgasm and then let me get off through intercourse.

I'm not fussing about it because I'm grateful she's making an effort. I hope that once she starts getting some therapy, she will be more open to foreplay and more emotional connectedness. I think we've got a ways to go before we cross the line from fucking to making love.

One other item on the skin crawl front: I slept in this morning because we had been up so late. I set the alarm for 8:50 a.m. at the request of my wife. I was awake before 8, but I chose not to get out of bed.

Shortly afterwards, my wife stirred and turned to get comfortable. I asked her if she would like me to hold her. She responded abruptly and grumpily, "No" A few awkward seconds pass, and she volunteers a groggy, "but I still love you."

I tried not to read too much into it. She's not a pleasant person when she's groggy, but she and I were going to be apart for a couple of days. Once I left for work, I wouldn't see her again until then. It would have been nice to have a quiet moment of closeness.

She apologized to me as I left for work, but I still felt like underneath it all, she doesn't long to be close to me. It was a lonely commute this morning.
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