User sixdegrees leaves this bit of wisdom in a
comment:
I think that your flirtations with the edge represent an important part of your life that your therapist should know about. I think full disclosure to your therapist is the way to go. Your purpose of going to the therapist is to help you with your crucible process. An essential element of the crucible process as I understand it is being completely honest with oneself - and to realize ways in which we are NOT honest and true to ourself.
Quoting Schnarch from
Passionate Marriage, page 340:
Own your projections as an act of integrity. Recognizing your distortions and expectations from the past -- disentangling inner and outer "realities -- is important and difficult work. It both requires and yields a kind of moral integrity that is severely limited in some people. Openly acknowledging your projections, especially when your partner is ready to blame everything on you, requires a deep breath and a leap of faith -- not faith he won't try to use it against you sime time (he probably will), but faith you will hold onto yourself when he does. Also remember, it isn't the end of the world when your self-disclosures are used against you. Relax. Hold onto yourself: stop being outraged or "wounded." It will raise your differentiation. Your partner is likely to stop abusing your self revelations when he sees it doesn't work to his advantage anymore. If you won't disclose your distortions because your anticipating your partner's response, you are still dependent on a reflected sense of self. Acknowledging your projections embodies tolerating pain for growth and maintaining a clear sense of self in proximity to your partner.
In Schnarchspeak, my anxiety over this is a symptom of emotional fusion with a therapist I haven't even met in person yet. I have to take a hit before I take
the hit. I have such a long journey ahead.
