Thursday, July 20, 2006

No Cuddling Last Night

I tried to cuddle with my wife last night before bedtime. She had turned on the TV in the bedroom to finish watching her soap opera and had pulled out her Sudoku puzzle book.

I asked if she would like me to hold her without any other ulterior motives, and she said that I could lay near her, which wasn't very close because there was a body pillow between us.

I started to doze off and stirred again when she got up to turn off the light. She climbed back into bed and I started to rub her back. She used to love when I'd do that years ago. After a few seconds of this, she said, "I thought you were asleep." I told her that I hadn't fully fallen asleep.

She said that I didn't have to rub her. I asked her if there was anything else she might like, and she answered that I could give her a kiss. So we had a short smooch. I rolled over more toward my side of the bed and went to sleep.

I don't know how to read that exchange. Was she telegraphing the "skin crawl" signals, or maybe a cuddle wasn't really what she needed. To be safe, I will cut back on the cuddling, perhaps limiting it to every other night.

I wonder if her distance has something to do with worrying. She had a stress item come up during the day, and she mentioned it at dinner time. She has a tendency to be grumpy rather than reach out for comfort in times of stress.

She said that she wasn't sure how much longer she would have the 15-hour/week part time job that she does while she watches TV at night. Apparently the employer is having trouble finding projects for her to work on.

A couple months ago, I brought up the idea of us reevaluating our expenses, cutting back, and having her quit that job. She said she doesn't think that we could make it without it. I'm skeptical, but I've taken her word for it. I think that over the weekend, while she's gone, I'll take a hard look at what our financial obligations are and then look at where the money does go.
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