Thursday, July 27, 2006

Loved in Five Languages

Got back from marriage counseling about an hour ago. My brain hurts. Here's the short summary...

As expected, the therapist spent most of the initial session gathering information about us, our families, and past counseling experiences.

Once we got through all of that, I covered just about everything that I described in the my earlier post. I made sure to couch my assertions as "I" statements.

My wife responded by saying that I'm insecure. She said she still loved me but she just couldn't be into it every time we had sex. She also said that there are times when she has urges but the kids are around (not that I know about any of those instances of urges). She said that I took it too personally when she said she didn't like something I did.

The counselor gave us some handouts to work on for future sessions. She said she's partial to exploring the impact of family of origin issues, but she also brought up Chapman's Five Love Languages, saying this may be a case where we have a mismatch between the most important languages. I hope my wife can learn to speak mine in something above a few grunts and hand gestures.

The counselor also noted that my mom left my dad after 13 years of marriage, and since my wife and I have been together for fourteen years (including living together), there might be something to the insecurity. I don't know if I buy that yet because I have been dealing with this for a lot longer than a year. It also should be noted that when my dad was my age, he was already divorced and on the way to marrying his second of three wives.

It was enough to make the evil side of me want to call my mother on the way home and say, "Thanks for screwing me up yet one more way." Fortunately, that side doesn't know how to dial a cell phone.

I had a thought shortly thereafter. In the Ten Commandments, there is one for honoring the parents. I wonder why God chose not to issue one for parents themselves, given the importantance of raising children properly. I can see it now...

Thou shalt fuck up thy children with neither thine issues nor any other new issues, so that they may not be visited unto the third and fourth generation with vast therapy bills.

Show me a church with that teaching, and I'll think about switching. Until then, I'll keep working my way through Bad Childhood, Good Life.
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