tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31278044.post116678998920877917..comments2023-03-21T07:07:50.202-04:00Comments on 2amsomewhere: Reflecting on Some of Elise's PostsUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31278044.post-33612799400696767252006-12-29T09:23:00.000-05:002006-12-29T09:23:00.000-05:00I think those are great postings.
Why is it so sc...I think those are great postings.<br /><br />Why is it so scary? Because the comfortable misery of the known is preferable to the human psyche than the great risk of the unknown.<br /><br />Because we know as humans that change is intrinsically risky. Things may, in fact, get better. But we can also point to situations where change hasn't made things better, AT ALL, but made them worse.<br /><br />And, many of us who are (or were) trapped in crappy, miserable, dehumanizing relationships don't believe we deserve anything better.<br /><br />Elise may not believe that she's already taken hold of the keys, but she has. Her postings make that clear. She has the keys in her hand. The question now is whether she will use them to unlock the door, or put them in her pocket.<br /><br />On the other hand, I sat a long time with a very miserable woman last night, who has long sought her happiness externally, through a long series of men. She's been married 15 years, and lord knows how many times she's cheated on her husband.<br /><br />She feels bitter, she feels deprived, she feels like she isn't getting, emotionally, what she needs from life. This man hasn't abused her, he hasn't mistreated her, in fact he adores her.<br /><br />The sex is lukewarm, but she's sheltered, protected, and cherished.<br /><br />Yet it isn't enough.<br /><br />Why? Because she hasn't realized yet that she has everything she needs inside herself to be happy. Happiness becomes more elusive the harder we pursue it externally. But when we realize it isn't something to be attained, but something we already hold and choose not to exercise, we can choose to simply BE happy.<br /><br />It made me sad talking to her last night, because myself and alot of other women who have really suffered through horrible, abusive relationships would give a great deal to have a caring, comfortable relationship with a guy like her husband. And yet, it still isn't enough for her.<br /><br />I think it springs from two causal factors. One is the lack of differentiation that PJ always talks about here, an inability to recognize that each partner has a responsibility to make himself/herself a happy, fulfilled person. The other is that she isn't dealing with her own truly debilitating emotional issues, and thus, she seeks transient happiness with a series of men, without realizing that whatever relationship she leaps into, until she fixes herself, eventually she will continue to encounter that same dissatisfaction.<br /><br />I'm not talking here about relationships where there is real abuse and where the partners have irreconcilable differences, and at least one has made a real effort to make things work, and has also spent time developing their own soul and finding their own freedom to be self actualized. I'm talking about a woman who chooses not to work, who allows her husband to work 80 hours a week to support her, who doesn't do ANYTHING to feed her own soul, and then resents him because she's starving.Troublehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16553273498093394669noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31278044.post-14032157738335385802006-12-29T07:23:00.000-05:002006-12-29T07:23:00.000-05:00I will have to take a leap of faith, believing tha...<i>I will have to take a leap of faith, believing that living a life of difficult integrity will be more rewarding than a comfortable lie.</i><br /><br />That's the truth I guess. It has to be a leap of faith. Why does that make me feel so scared though?<br /><br />And you're right the post about Bridges turned into a discussion about something else, but that's okay too. <br /><br />Well, I hope both of us will find a way to live a life of integrity whichever way that turns out to be.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com